Howie D and Kayleigh: The greatest gift of love…..

Chapter 1

I called in sick today from work and stayed in bed. Perhaps it was the flu that was making his way into my body. I was so tired but it didn’t make any sense. I’ve slept a lot yesterday, and the day before, so why did I feel like a wreck? I got the thermometer from the cabinet right across the bed to find out if I had the fever but it only showed a slightly higher temperature than usually. Maybe it was just the beginning. I crawled in bed under the blanket and closed my eyes. Within five minutes I drifted away in a dreamless sleep.
An hour or two later I awoke by the sound of my cell. “Hello?” I picked up the phone with my eyes closed. “Hi baby” I heard the soft sweet voice my ear of my prince charming. “Hi honey” I answered. “Are you okay? You sound weak. Are you ill?” he asked. I smiled “You know me too well sweetie. I decided to stay home from work today”. “Really? What’s wrong then?” he asked. “I don’t know. It could be the flu. I’m so very, very tired. And my temperature rose a little. So I was thinking to stay home this week doing all I can to get better” I answered with my eyes closed. “Aaaw.  I wish I was there with you babe. Then I would do everything in my power to make you feel better” he said with his soft sensual voice. “I love you” he lowered his voice. I sighed “I love you too. And I miss you.” “Yes I miss you too.” A tear rolled down my cheek. I sniffed “How was today?” “Sweetie, are you crying?” he asked softly. “No, I’m not. Really it’s just my cold” I lied with a thin voice. I felt a big lump in my  throat. “Don’t lie to me babe. I know you better that you know yourself and I know you’re crying now. Now tell me, why are you crying?” he sounded worried. I sighed “I don’t know. I’m so emotional the last couple of days. And I miss you. It’s worse than ever, this time. The thought of you being at the other side of the world makes me feel so lonely” before I knew it tears ran down my face. I sniffed and wiped the tears from my face. “Oh, princess. I miss you too, so bad. I wish I could be with you to hold you. Believe me, I’m counting down the days too ‘till we head home” he gave me small kisses through the phone. “Try to get some rest today okay? I’m going to sleep now. Tomorrow me and Briand are going to the BBC studios for an early morning interview. “Ok” I whispered. “I hope you have sweet dreams. Maybe I’ll stop by tonight for a long kiss” I smiled. “Oh, if only that wish could come true!” Howie spoke with a deep breath “I love you princess”.  “And I love you baby” I sighed. “Bye babe”. “Bye sweetie”.
       
I heard the cat yawn at the other side of the door and I saw his little front paws moving under the door. I chuckled and got out of bed. I opened the door and Donnie head bumped my leg. Donnie had never been soft with these things. That’s why I loved that animal so much. He’s such a great cat. My companion for when Howie is on tour. Cold shivers ran down my spine. I turned on the TV and a DVD. It was from the Chocolat with Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche. I quickly went back to bed and wrapped myself into the blanket. Donnie meowed and curled himself against my legs. Halfway through the movie I fell asleep. After approximately an hour I awoke and went to the bathroom to pee. I noticed the birthday calendar hanging across the toilet and suddenly it hit me. When did I had my last period? I quickly went back in my memory. My last period was the 3rd of April. Today it was May the 25th. My period was running late this month.  Howie left two weeks ago for the European leg of the NKOTBSB tour. We didn’t had much sex last month because of all the stress for the upcoming tour and because Howie got sick, right before he went away.  A little but very strong thought came up. Could it be…..? Nah it couldn’t. That would be such a big coincidence. Howie and I were trying to get pregnant for more than a year now. But it didn’t work out the way we expected it to be. We didn’t like the idea of seeing a doctor to run some tests though. Honestly, I don’t like doctors. And besides that, me and Howie wanted to conceive the baby the natural way. I always said that our baby was going to be the product of our hot and steamy love making and not a product of calendar sex just because the time was right and chances were all up for pregnancy that month. Howie told me several times how thank full he was for having me as his wife.  He believed it was special to have a girl who’s first priority was not to get pregnant but to live her life to maximum happiness every day. I didn’t think that was special. In fact I believe that some women need to loosen up and have trust in God. If the time is right, the time is right. Sometimes you have to accept the things as they come to you in life. God always gives us what we need and that can be different of what we want.

I held my pee up and looked for a pregnancy test. I found one in my toiletry bag. I bought it 3 months ago, just in case. I ran down stairs and grabbed a plastic cup and peed in it. After I took the test out of the package I held the tip into the liquid for about twenty seconds. As I took the test out of the liquid I had to wait for a minute before the final result was ready. My curiosity interfered and after half a minute I couldn’t resist the temptation of peeking. In the back of my mind there was a little voice that it would probably be nothing, just like the months before. I looked at the test, expecting to only see the check line that the test had worked. My eyes registered two lines. My heart stopped for a beat. “Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God” I stumbled. I jumped up from the toilet and danced around the room while tears rolled over my face. Finally, after so many months, after so many disappointing moments that the test was negative there she was. The positive test. I was in shock. I wanted to call Howie but I knew that he would be asleep now and  he always turned off his cell before he went to bed. I called the doctor to ask what I was supposed to do. She told me that a pregnancy test was 99 percent sure. She gave me a rough due date along with some advice about what to eat and which pregnancy vitamins to take. She also recommended me a gynecologist to make an appointment for when I was about 9 weeks pregnant.

After that I tried to figure out the best way to break this news to Howie. I knew that tomorrow and the day after they would be in Holland for their concert. It would be awesome if I could meet him there to tell him in person. I hastily checked the airline website and noticed the possibility of the next flight to Amsterdam, early this night. I booked my ticket and packed my suitcase. I brought Donnie to my sister and told her I was off to Amsterdam to surprise my husband.

After that, I headed off to the LAX airport for my flight. After I checked myself and my luggage I grabbed a sandwich from one of the countless bars at the airport and after another half an hour I finally got into my seat on the plane. I felt butterflies all through my belly. I was so excited about this. Wow.    

Chapter 2

I was in the bedroom with Howie. He took my hand and guided me to our king-size bed. He looked at me with his gorgeous brown eyes  “Te quiero mi amor” he whispered. I felt myself getting all weak inside. “I want you to baby, so bad” I whispered back. He pulled me close and his lips brushed mines. His velvet tongue played with mines. His hands slid under my bra and gave my breasts a wonderful massage. He played with my nipples while kissing me. A soft moan escaped from my mouth. His tongue softly went from my lips to my neck. With his hands he got rid of my bra and his tongue quickly took over the massage. While his lips slowly and sensually sucked my nipples his hand stroked my stomach down to my panties. My hands run through his dark hair. His hand found his way in my panties. His soft fingers explored my soft spot and with two fingers he went inside “Oh God” I moaned. He looked up to me and gave me a naughty smile. He deliberately pressed his thumb on my clit and a third finger inside me. “Oh sweetie, what are you doing to me?” I gasped. He answered with a sensual kiss while playing with my soft spot. I couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“All passengers fasten your seatbelts and prepare for landing” a loud voice sounded through the airplane. I slowly woke up from it. I knew I was turning red a little. It was a very good thing nobody knew what my dream was all about. After twenty minutes the airplane had landed on Amsterdam Airport. After I collected my luggage I called Justin to pick me up. The guys stayed in a hotel in Amsterdam and they had a day of to do some sightseeing today. In the airport cafeteria I ordered a cappuccino and waited for Justin. My  mind wondered off to the pregnancy. I was so lucky not to be noxious. And I still liked coffee. Another thing which I hoped wouldn’t change during the upcoming 8 months. My cell bleeped. It was Justin, he was waiting outside. I emptied my coffee and went outside where I saw him standing in front of the van. As soon as he noticed me he walked up to me to take my luggage. After he had placed them in the back of the vehicle he turned towards me and gave me a hug. “Hi, how was your flight?” Justin asked. “The flight went okay. I landed safely” I smiled. “You didn’t tell Howie that I was on my way to him, right? I want it to be a surprise”. “My lips are sealed” Justin smiled. He told me about all the things that had happened so far and after a twenty minute ride he parked the van in the garage of the hotel.

After I’d checked in I received the key to our room. The room was at the 2nd floor and after I stepped out of the elevator in the hallway I quickly went inside the hotel room. It was a nice room with a beautiful view. The room was a mess. Clothes where all over and wet towels where on the ground. I chuckled. This was so typical. He was an amazing guy with a beautiful voice. A real prince charming and a very good cook but he was a terrible housekeeper. My mother in law already warned me for it before we got married. Cleaning up wasn’t his thing. I cleared the floor from his clothes and folded them and placed them back in his suitcase. I hanged the towels to dry on the balcony and I made myself comfortable with a book, a chair in the sun and a soft drink. I was lucky the weather was nice and warm today in Holland. Yesterday it had been raining all day.

I was completely caught up in my book when I heard the sound of the door being unlocked. My heart jumped. I heard Howie laugh at the door with Nick and Lauren. Nerves ran through my body. “I see you two in the lobby in half an hour. I want to give Kayleigh a call before we leave”. “Give her our love okay” Lauren asked. “Sure, I will” Howie said. He closed the door and turned towards me still the room from the balcony. “Huh, what…. What are you doing here?” his eyes grew large and after he realized what was happening he smiled and wrapped his arms around me. “Gosh, I missed you baby. I’m so happy you’re here” he pressed his lips on mines and gave me a mesmerizing kiss. The kiss stopped and he looked in my eyes. “Is everything okay sweetie? Because yesterday you told me you where ill. How are you feeling now?”. “Well, there is something you should know. I went to the doctor’s office yesterday. And It’s not the flu”. “You’re not? But what is it, tell me” Howie was confused. “Well, it became clear that you are going to be a daddy” I smiled. “You’re kidding?” he looked shocked. “No, it’s real. I’m 5,5 weeks pregnant” I smiled. His eyes grew even larger and a big smile came on his face “Yes, finally. Oh I’m so very, very happy” he pulled me closer and held me tight and kissed me. With all the passion inside of him. “I love you”. “I love you to honey” I smiled.

After half an hour we left the room to meet Nick and Lauren in the lobby. They were shocked to see me in person expecting me to be on the other side of the world. “She wanted to surprise me” Howie smiled “She sure did. Guys, we are going to be mommy and daddy” Nick’s jaw dropped and Lauren smiled “Oh I’m so happy for the two of you. Wow” she hugged us and Nick followed her move. “Congratulations this is…. amazing news. I’m so happy for you” he smiled. “Let’s hope it’s a boy. Then we can play soccer with him and get him into the BSB junior ” Nick cheered. I laughed. “Well, I’m glad I got pregnant after all. So whether it’s a boy or a girl, it doesn’t matter to me”. “So do I” Howie smiled.

chapter two update 28-5-2012

 Looking back at my past this was definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. The way Howie and I had met was movie material. Before that I was in a very unhealthy relationship. I met Eric, my ex, when I was 17. He was a bit of a bad guy and I knew from the start he was the kind of guy that you’re mother warned you for. My mom knew him from work though. She didn’t had a clue what kind of guy he was in real life. At work he presented himself as a hard working guy with common sense and respect for others. The perfect son in law and the best choice for her daughter. My friends knew him in a different way. A guy that had been with several girls and cheated on them and who didn’t care much about ethics and faithfulness. He also had a criminal record for little “unimportant” crimes like theft and a DUI. That was before he and I came together and what happened in the past should stay in the past, at least that was my opinion then. My mom didn’t knew that either. I later learned that people mostly did not change unless they chose to do so. Eric was the perfect example of somebody who felt superior over others. If somebody didn’t meet to his expectations he had a habit of being real nice to them face to face and badmouthing the same people when they had left. I quickly discovered that he used weed to chill out at night after work. In the beginning he made it seem like it was a onetime thing but soon I learned that he smoked that stuff every day. But as young as I was, still living at home with mommy and  daddy living a protective life, the thought of being with a guy like Eric who lived on his own and made his own money was so exciting. I didn’t see the problems that I later would be in. There were no financial problems involved. We always had enough money to pay the rent, other bills, energy and water and even saved a little. As time passed by Eric became a more controlling and demanding. He felt that because I was still in school and didn’t make much money with my part – time job in a restaurant I had enough time to clean the house and cook every day. He also expected me to pick up his stuff when needed and that all the money I made would be spend at groceries. In fights he’d call me a gold-digger and other mean things. Verbal abuse was very normal for him. After I told Howie this part of my history he was shocked. This was so different from how he had been raised and lived his life with his ex girlfriends. He once said that what I had been through was too much for him to take at once. Of course what had happened to was normal life for me. I didn’t knew better than that until I started telling about what all happened. And I told him everything. Even the bitter parts. The parts that weren’t pretty. Even the darkest parts I never would’ve thought I’d tell anybody. Because dark things happened. I was psychologically wounded before Howie and I got involved. Until the day I met him, six years later and still with Eric. I was at a party with my best friend and we had fun. We both were in a relationship and we weren’t looking for guys. Of course male attention was flattering and welcome but cheating was not something I would do. Eric did though. More than once in the past. I found out when a friend called to break the news to me. A couple of months later another friend told me he’d invited a good friend over during my holiday with my parents. After I’d confronted him with that he broke down to tears and swore he’d never do it again. It was a big mistake. But I could trust him now. He’d suddenly realized how much he loved me and he wanted to be with me. At that point I was twenty years old. I loved him and believed he deserved a second chance. Especially after the way he had apologized to me and it seemed sincere. After another month the girlfriend, of the couple we used to hang out with, called me to tell me that she wanted to warn me for Eric. She said that he was now on his way to their house to have sex with her. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was everybody going insane around me? This was bizarre. Why on earth would  she say something like that. Eric suddenly left early in the afternoon and told me he had to pick up some DVD’s at a friend’s house and that he’d be back after dinner.  Of course after that alarming call I searched our house for other evidence that he’d been cheating on me. And I found it. A picture of another girl hidden in a DVD box. A copy of a chat that took place during my absence with a girl named Angela. I didn’t knew her. When he returned at the house he first snapped that I didn’t trust him and later sobbed again telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me. He begged me to stay and promised me it would be better. And stupid naïve me forgave him. For a  while it got better. I didn’t receive any strange calls and he was sweet and loving to me. I believed he had changed for good. He still smoked weed on a daily basis but he tried to be the best for me. 

update 29-5-2012

Until that day things got out of hand. We argued and Eric went nuts. In his rush of anger he threw a glass at me while I sat on the couch. Bruise nr 1. I got scared and as soon as he was in the kitchen I got out of the room and rushed upstairs. He then followed me upstairs and kicked me in my back. Bruise number 2. With all the yelling and screaming the neighbors must have thought somebody got killed inside our house.  Police got called, they showed up at our house and before I knew it I was brought in the police station to leave a statement for what happened. That was literally the beginning of the end.  

I knew something had to change. I wasn’t happy and knew that in the end it was me who had to leave. I just wasn’t ready for it. A little while later I bought a book explaining the law of attraction and one of the exercises was to make a list of what would be my perfect love. It became a very long list. My perfect love had to love me, think of me as the most beautiful girl in the world, show the world I was the only one for him, he had to be sporty, nice, sweet, romantic, honest, respectful to women, fun to hang around with etcetera etcetera. I made that list. It got me occupied for a couple of hours. I finished it and half an hour later I ripped the list into pieces and threw it in the trashcan. I needed to get back to reality again. Nobody could be 100 percent matching to that list. It just couldn’t.

I forgot about the list and life went on. 

chapter 3

Back to the party; we had dinner. Everything was well taken care of and me and my friend had found a great spot amongst nice people to eat dinner with. I saw Jack (one of the persons who organized this party) walking by and I asked him where he and the others were seated. He showed me and I promised him I’d drop by later. After dinner was over, there was a band playing and we all got new drinks. My friend was busy talking to one of my colleagues and it was obvious that she had a good time. I excused myself and told her I’d be back in an hour and she was okay with that. I showed her were I would be and I left off to that table. 

I greeted Jack and my other colleagues and sat down and talked to them. Danielle and two guys came closer to us and they stopped at our table. They chatted a little and I immediately knew it was the same guy that had greeted me earlier. At that very second his face turned towards me and his eyes caught mine. My face turned a deep shade of red and I was too shy look at him. I couldn’t believe a guy like him would be interested in a average girl like me. No, he was the kind of guy who easily could date top models. As I looked up again I noticed he was still looking at me and smiled. I blushed and gave him a little shy smile back. Then the other guy asked everybody at the table, including me, what we wanted to drink and I answered I’d like a sweet white wine.  My mister handsome stayed at our table and sat down with Danielle. I figured he must be her boyfriend since Danielle was a very good looking girl. All my hope vanished as they seemed to have a good time together talking and laughing. After a while of chatting and drinking I decided it was time to go back to my friend. We agreed to go to the Karaoke together, which was in another room. I got up and walked by mister Handsome. I had to admit I was a bit tipsy. I felt how he grabbed my hand and gently pulled me back. “Where you’re going?” he asked with that beautiful smile and eyes that made me stutter. I dared to look him in the eye for a brief moment, blushed again, and told him I was going to the Karaoke in the next room. “Cool” he grinned “I’ll eat my ice cream and I’ll see you there okay” again that gorgeous smile. “Okay” I mumbled.

My friend and I left to the other room and ordered another drink. We decided we definitely had to do a song together and it was “Torn” from Natalie Imbruglia. The fun thing of being drunk is that you believe you can sing very well. The not so fun thing of these events is that every cell phone has a build in camera. And some people where taping our ‘performance’. Later I would found out how embarrassing that was. I was happy I didn’t see mister Handsome in the audience.    

The song ended and we went off stage. While I was looking for my cell in my purse Janet tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I ould follow her. “Why?” I asked. “There is somebody who really likes you” she smiled a bit tipsy. “Come on Janet, I’m not a kid anymore. And besides I’m taken. I already have a boyfriend” I complained. “Trust me, you want to get to know him” and she grabbed my arm so I had to follow her. She then pushed me forwards and there he was, Mister Handsome good looking with that mind blowing smile. “Hi” I stepped forward “I like you too, very much” I said immediately feeling like a complete moron. What kind of an idiot would say something like that? So embarrassing. An even bigger smile appeared on his face and his eyes looked deeply in mines. “I like you too. More than you know” he said with his beautiful voice. “What’s your name?” I asked. “My name is Howie and yours?” he answered. “I’m Kayleigh” I replied.